The Secret Loop Running Your Day (And How to Change It)
If you're feeling stuck in a cycle of stress, anxiety, or just general frustration, where it seems like one bad thing just leads to another... this is for you.
I remember a time early in my career, working abroad. I felt completely overwhelmed. The pressure was immense, and I started believing I wasn't cut out for the role. That thought made me feel even more anxious, which led to me procrastinating on important projects. Can you guess what happened next? The procrastination created more pressure, reinforcing the initial feeling of being overwhelmed. It was a exhausting, vicious cycle.
I felt like I was going crazy, but I was actually just experiencing a very normal, psychological pattern: The Feeling-Thought-Behavior Loop.
It sounds complex, but it’s beautifully simple. Our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are deeply interconnected, each one influencing the next in a continuous loop.
Here’s how it works:
A Feeling/Emotion arises: You feel anxious before a big meeting.
That feeling triggers a Thought: The anxiety makes you think, "I'm going to mess this up. Everyone will see I'm a fraud."
That thought influences a Behavior: Because you believe you'll mess up, you go into the meeting with defensive body language, speak less, and avoid contributing.
That behavior reinforces the original Feeling: Not contributing makes you feel incompetent and even more anxious, which strengthens the initial "fraud" thought for next time.
And around and around it goes. This loop can fuel everything from burnout and social anxiety to perfectionism and even conflicts in relationships.
The key to breaking free is understanding the crucial distinction: you are not your thoughts, and your feelings are not commands. They are data. The power lies in the space between the feeling and the reaction, that's where you can choose a different thought, and therefore, a different behaviour.
Because it's a loop, you can intervene at any point to disrupt the cycle and create a new, healthier one.
Intervene at the Thought: Challenge the automatic negative thought. Ask yourself, "Is it 100% true that I'm a fraud? What's one piece of evidence that proves I am capable?"
Intervene at the Behavior: Act against the impulse. Feeling anxious and wanting to hide? Decide to ask one question in the meeting, or simply sit up straight. The changed behavior can generate a new, more confident feeling.
Intervene at the Feeling: Acknowledge the feeling without judgment. "I feel anxious right now. It's uncomfortable, but it's just a feeling, and it will pass." This simple act of naming it can reduce its power.
You don't have to break the loop with a sledgehammer. Sometimes, the smallest shift in one area is enough to start changing the entire pattern.
A conceptual illustration showing a person observing a circular loop, labeled with 'Feeling,' 'Thought,' and 'Behavior,' being gently interrupted by a hand, with birds flying out to symbolize breaking the cycle.
Your Invitation to Observe
If this resonates, especially if you're navigating a high-pressure career or the unique challenges of expat life, I invite you to try this: For the next 24 hours, become an observer of your own mind. Just notice your “Feeling-Thought-Behaviour” loop without judgment, don't try to change them yet. Where do they typically begin?
I'd love to hear what you discover about your patterns. Share your reflections in a comment below or send me a message.
Your Path Forward
Understanding this loop is a powerful first step toward lasting change, but it's just the beginning. The real work lies in practicing these shifts until they become your new default. This is a journey I walk with my clients, supporting them as they turn awareness into lasting change.
